The ride home was quiet, as it is nowadays. After an overtime loss in the championship game, there wasn’t much to say, even to myself.
Every coach replays the game in his mind — the decisions, the missed opportunities, the “what ifs.” But somewhere between the traffic and the long crawl through the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel, my thoughts drifted away from lacrosse. They drifted to Father’s Day.
How Being a Dad Made Me a Better Coach
I’ve often said that everything I truly know about leadership didn’t come from a coaching manual or a motivational speaker. It came from being a dad.
I’ve been blessed with three incredible sons. They’ve challenged me, humbled me, stretched me, and taught me more than they will ever know. Looking back, I realize something that’s become impossible to separate:
- Working to become a better father made me a better coach.
- Working to become a better coach made me a better father.
The two have always gone hand in hand.
Whether I’m standing on the sideline or sitting around the dinner table, leadership begins with relationships.
Love Is Always the Starting Point
If there’s one lesson I hope every coach and every parent understands, it’s this:
Love is the greatest leadership strategy there is.
Kids can tell the difference between someone who simply expects something from them and someone who genuinely believes in them.
Whether it’s my own sons or the young men I’ve had the privilege to coach, I’ve learned that people will work incredibly hard for someone they know truly cares about them.
Love doesn’t make you soft.
Love gives your leadership credibility.
Live the Standard
One of the hardest truths I’ve had to accept is that my children don’t listen nearly as much as they watch.
The same is true for every player I’ve ever coached.
If I can’t live my values at home, I have no business preaching them on the practice field.
Integrity isn’t something we teach.
It’s something we model.
Our actions always speak louder than our words.
Leadership Requires Vision and Service
Being a father means wearing two hats.
- As a leader, I paint a picture of what’s possible.
- As a coach, I provide encouragement, accountability, wisdom, and support to help my children reach that vision.
Neither role works without the other.
The same is true in sports.
Great coaches don’t simply demand excellence. They help athletes discover it within themselves.
Your Children Are Never Your Project
One lesson has become even clearer as my sons have grown into young men.
I don’t want them to become who I imagined they should be. I want them to become everything God created them to be.
They aren’t my masterpiece. They’re His.
My responsibility isn’t to control their lives. It’s to encourage them, guide them, pray for them, and remind them that their identity was never meant to come from my expectations.
Listen Before You Lead
One of the most humbling questions I’ve ever heard is this:
“What’s it like to be on the other side of me?”
That’s a dangerous question.
It’s also one of the healthiest.
Whether we’re parents, coaches, husbands, or leaders, we all have blind spots.
If we’re willing to listen instead of defend ourselves, the people we lead often become our greatest teachers.
Growth begins with humility.
Patience Is Strength
Parenting has taught me something, and coaching has reinforced it every season.
- Not everything can be rushed.
- You can’t force maturity.
- You can’t speed up character development.
- You can’t manufacture confidence overnight.
Sometimes leadership means stepping back, trusting the process, and allowing life to do some of the teaching. Patience isn’t passive. It’s confidence that growth is happening even when you can’t see it.
Encourage More Than You Correct
Children need encouragement when they fail. They also need encouragement when they succeed.
Failure isn’t final. Success isn’t either.
Both are opportunities to remind them who they are beyond the scoreboard. I’ve tried to coach every player — and parent every son — with that perspective.
Wins fade.
Character remains.
No One Gets It Perfect
I’ve made mistakes as a father.
I’ve made mistakes as a coach.
I’ve said things I wish I could take back.
I’ve missed moments I wish I could relive.
But perfection has never been the goal. Growth has. Every day offers another opportunity to become a little more patient. A little more present. A little more intentional.
If I’m better today than I was yesterday, then I’m moving in the right direction.
Give the Bigger Hug
Last year, I lost my mom. Like so many people who’ve lost someone they love, I found myself wishing for one more conversation.
One more visit.
One more hug.
You never realize which hug will be the last.
That’s why I’ve made it a point not to rush those moments anymore. When I see my sons, I hug them a little longer. When I see the people I love, I try to let them know exactly how much they mean to me. Life moves fast.
Championship games come and go.
Wins fade.
Losses fade.
The relationships don’t.
As I finished that long drive home, I realized that although we didn’t bring home the trophy, I still felt incredibly blessed. Because long after the final whistle, the greatest victories in my life won’t be measured by championships.
They’ll be measured by the kind of father I became, the young men my sons continue to become, and the lives I was fortunate enough to impact along the way.
As I reflect on Father’s Day, if there’s one lesson I hope resonates with other dads, it’s simply this:
- Love deeply.
- Lead by example.
- Encourage often.
- Forgive quickly.
- And never miss the chance to give someone you love a bigger hug than usual.
You’ll never regret it.