Grief hides in the same places love resides. This is a truth I’ve come to carry, quietly and constantly. For a long time, I believed that healing meant leaving grief behind. That if I worked hard enough, cried enough, journaled enough, or talked about it enough, it would eventually loosen its grip.
But I’ve come to accept that some of the grief is coming with me. It has unpacked its bags in my heart and taken up permanent residence.
This isn’t a feeling you shake
There’s no magical moment of “closure.” There is no cure for the kind of hurt that changes you from the inside out. Not everything haunting can be left behind and forgotten. Sometimes, it becomes part of the architecture of who you are.
Even when I believe myself healed — when the days feel light and laughter comes easily — memories sneak up on me. A smell, a song, a glance at a photo. Suddenly, I’m right back in a moment that used to hold joy but now feels hollowed out. My grief taps me on the shoulder, gentle but firm. I’m all scar tissue now. Healing didn’t erase the wounds — it just taught me how to live around them.
Some days, I just hide from the world. Not because I want to be alone, but because I don’t have the energy to pretend. When someone tells me to focus on all the beautiful things instead, I don’t even try to explain. I’ve learned that some people simply don’t understand that the beautiful things are what hurt the most.
My grief hides in smiles
- It lives in the sound of laughter that echoes memories of voices I’ll never hear again.
- It takes road trips with me, showing up at every familiar landmark, whispering, “Remember this?”
- It celebrates every holiday, pulls up a chair at the table, and reminds me who’s missing.
- It claps for me when nobody else is there to.
- It flips through old photos burned into my memory, not to move on — but to feel something.
Because even if the only thing left to feel is their absence, it’s better than not feeling them at all.
Grief is not the enemy. Forgetting is.
So I let the grief stay. Because my grief hides in the same places love resides.
